Action Requires Attention

Action Requires Attention

Action Requires Attention


This is the first blog post I'm writing on my *new* website/blog. I got up today, the 22nd day of June in 2018 like I do every other day. I slept in a little later than I needed to, and I didn't have a particular focus of my day. All I have on my agenda is this seemingly never-ending thing called "work". Work for most people falls within set hours, but for those of us who consider ourselves self-employed or small business owners work can be ever present and constantly pressing. 

At the end of 2015 I opened another facet of my company, Pretty Wycked Designs, a marketing and social media company. I began assisting others with their businesses as a virtual secretary, business manager, and social media manager. I did not realize how much my business would take off when I added that aspect to it. I will be the first to admit that I was ill prepared for the time commitment that this new aspect of my business would require. I was for the most part tied to my phone on a constant basis. It was 7 days a week and often 18 - 20 hour days of constant work. I did this solely on my own for nearly a year before my girlfriend began working with me. Then we worked together at this back breaking pace for nearly a year. 

Business was booming, and when I say booming I mean it. I don't flaunt the money that I have coming in because I am the first one to let it slip through my fingers with indulgences and spending. By spending I don't mean things that are not necessary I mean with others. I'm a generous person. It began with lavishing the ones I love with things, and experiences. I grew up extremely poor and this ability to constantly have a ridiculously large stream of income was something I took for granted. I did not prepare myself for a slow down in business, or what really happened. A burnout.

In 2012 and 2013 I spent the majority of those years writing and living off of savings I'd had from my business. I wanted to write more than anything and knew that if I just worked hard enough I could write something amazing. I was foolish to believe that writing success was going to happen overnight. It did not. I had to jump back into work and quick to make sure I could take care of myself and also my two children. During that time I went through a divorce, my mother died, and generally experienced a level of trauma that takes years to recover. To get through that I dove back into work and tried my hardest to find that elusive bit of success I hear so many people talking about. 

Now let's jump to the winter of 2017. I'd been working pretty much non-stop for two straight years. I'd gained weight, had a loss of happiness though I wasn't depressed, and was making myself sick working so much. I had convinced myself the only way I could be successful was to work, work, work, but what I wound up doing is making myself sick nearly to death.

I suffered from severe back pain related to my weight gain. This was mostly due to a prior service injury to my sciatic nerve on my right side. I now have chronic Piriformis Syndrome and have a difficult time with a lot of physical activities because of it. I stopped at the end of the year working so much and I haven't regretted it for a moment. The best thing I did for myself was insist on a single day off every week. Sunday has become my refuge. My day to just exist. My day to recover from the beating I've taken every week. Something else happened that I did not expect. My business has slowed, and that in and of itself is a blessing in disguise. Yes, my income has lessened, but I no longer feel as though I am stressing myself out and killing myself chasing after every dollar. After writing for nearly two years straight I've finally gotten time to open back up my works in progress and look at them like the long lost friends they are. 

I keep thinking to myself, something has to change. Today my girlfriend left to support her sister who is going through an unexpected break-up and something inside of me has popped. Like a cloud coming down that I'd been living inside of. 

Action Requires Attention

More than that, action requires focus. Action requires momentum. Action requires us to get out of our comfort zone and to DO. I am a successful person. I'm a woman who has been remade alone and with the help of others. Why am I sitting stagnant? Why am I allowing myself to become a pond that needs to be drained rather than a raging river with the power to shape the landscape around her? 

Action Requires Attention - what does this even mean? It means that we have to pay attention to the things that mean something to us. It means that we are required to wake up each day and make the things happen for us that we want to happen. We, I, must stop waiting for things to happen to me. I have to stop waiting for the things that I want to happen to me. I am the force that drives everything in my world. I am the head of my household, the dominant partner in my relationships with others, and yet I've sat back and waited for things to just "happen" like some mysterious magician is going to pull a curtain back and help me fly a hot air balloon back home to Kansas. 

Life is going to happen whether we want it to slow down or not. It's only up to us to figure out what we're going to do with it. This is my story. This is my journey. This is the first day of days where I can say that I will no longer allow the world to dictate what I receive. Instead I will chase it down with a feverish desire.

Shifting

Shifting

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